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my head, it hurts
Okay I was turned on to this little area by someone I consider a very close friend of mine. I blog on myspace from time to time, but not about anything terribly personal. Most people who know me, know I don't talk to much about my personal life or relationships with other people. I may complain about minor things, but I don't necessarily talk about what I am really feeling. So I am going to give it a go here...
Trouble is, right now, my head is currently throbbing and it's very near impossible for me to form a complete and meaningful thought.
I've been thinking a lot lately about family and forgiveness... When comes the time that you just shouldn't forgive?
You see, my dad, he's a real piece of work... My mom divorced him when I was about 4 because he became a cheating, drug addict/alcoholic who tried to end our lives on several occasions, in various ways, firing off a shot gun at my mother while she was holding me and it miraculously passing through her shirt and out the window. The time he ran the car off the road, trying to kill all three of us, the time he held my mom down on the floor choking her when I was three and me jumping on his back trying to pull him off. And when we finally did break free, he managed to come home one day while mom was getting the rest of her belongings and rape her. Like I said, a real piece of work. Even still, somehow after the divorce he was granted visitation every other weekend... and on those weekends, he would jump out of bed and before doing anything else, down a Miller Lite. He would spend these weekends trying to get even with my mom, by either trying to fill my head with awful lies about my mom, or playing the sympathy card by telling me stuff like he was dying a brain cancer, who the hell tells this to an 8 year old?????
I've lived a life of random dealings with this bastard... saw him beat numerous women, mooch off of his mother and basically waste a perfectly good life that, in my opinion, could have went to someone much more deserving. I'd finally managed to pretty much cut the man out of my life. When I had my 1st child, I was determined that he was not going to ever be involved with that baby. Then my Grandmother suffered some severe burns in a house fire and I flew up to Indiana to see her in the hospital, so of course, I had to see him. Haven't seen him since, but I got a call from my mom the other day about some more of his antics she had heard about, and I just want to cringe, again.
You see my Grandparents had quite a bit of land... they gave a couple acres to my parents when they were married and that was deeded out to them. Through the years several of my aunts and uncles have set up homes (read : trailers) on this property, for free, as well. My Aunt Shelby, Uncle Jim, His son Jason, and various others from time to time. The thing is for the past 15 years or so Jim and as he got older, Jim and Jason, took care of my grandmother, made sure she had firewood, took her to appointments, had power of attorney for her, made sure she was well, warm, and just looked out for her. They did an excellent job, and for that everyone who loves should be very grateful. Unlike his other siblings (my father included) who were constantly borrowing money from her, eating her food, or just living their own lives, Jim and Jason, made sure her lawn was mowed, her house was in repair, bills were paid, etc, etc.
So what is it that I find out? My worthless father and his money grubbing older sister Brenda have SUED Jim for all of the land he is living on. (He had power of attorney and the land sort of went to him) What a way to say thank you.
So I ask, am I just supposed to forgive him of this too, will I regret not forgiving him when the earth is finally relieved of his presence? Where do you draw the line???
Trouble is, right now, my head is currently throbbing and it's very near impossible for me to form a complete and meaningful thought.
I've been thinking a lot lately about family and forgiveness... When comes the time that you just shouldn't forgive?
You see, my dad, he's a real piece of work... My mom divorced him when I was about 4 because he became a cheating, drug addict/alcoholic who tried to end our lives on several occasions, in various ways, firing off a shot gun at my mother while she was holding me and it miraculously passing through her shirt and out the window. The time he ran the car off the road, trying to kill all three of us, the time he held my mom down on the floor choking her when I was three and me jumping on his back trying to pull him off. And when we finally did break free, he managed to come home one day while mom was getting the rest of her belongings and rape her. Like I said, a real piece of work. Even still, somehow after the divorce he was granted visitation every other weekend... and on those weekends, he would jump out of bed and before doing anything else, down a Miller Lite. He would spend these weekends trying to get even with my mom, by either trying to fill my head with awful lies about my mom, or playing the sympathy card by telling me stuff like he was dying a brain cancer, who the hell tells this to an 8 year old?????
I've lived a life of random dealings with this bastard... saw him beat numerous women, mooch off of his mother and basically waste a perfectly good life that, in my opinion, could have went to someone much more deserving. I'd finally managed to pretty much cut the man out of my life. When I had my 1st child, I was determined that he was not going to ever be involved with that baby. Then my Grandmother suffered some severe burns in a house fire and I flew up to Indiana to see her in the hospital, so of course, I had to see him. Haven't seen him since, but I got a call from my mom the other day about some more of his antics she had heard about, and I just want to cringe, again.
You see my Grandparents had quite a bit of land... they gave a couple acres to my parents when they were married and that was deeded out to them. Through the years several of my aunts and uncles have set up homes (read : trailers) on this property, for free, as well. My Aunt Shelby, Uncle Jim, His son Jason, and various others from time to time. The thing is for the past 15 years or so Jim and as he got older, Jim and Jason, took care of my grandmother, made sure she had firewood, took her to appointments, had power of attorney for her, made sure she was well, warm, and just looked out for her. They did an excellent job, and for that everyone who loves should be very grateful. Unlike his other siblings (my father included) who were constantly borrowing money from her, eating her food, or just living their own lives, Jim and Jason, made sure her lawn was mowed, her house was in repair, bills were paid, etc, etc.
So what is it that I find out? My worthless father and his money grubbing older sister Brenda have SUED Jim for all of the land he is living on. (He had power of attorney and the land sort of went to him) What a way to say thank you.
So I ask, am I just supposed to forgive him of this too, will I regret not forgiving him when the earth is finally relieved of his presence? Where do you draw the line???
